My mother’s room has pictures of me scattered all around; she is definitely a proud mother. Well, the other day she told me that she walked into her room and saw that all of the pictures were missing. In the past, Daniela (my schizophrenic sister), would often tear up or throw away pictures, so my mother was a bit worried. She walked over to Daniela’s room and was amazed. Daniela had taken all of the pictures from my mother’s room into her room. She said ” Verunka is mine.” My mother was happy that Daniela had some sort of joy.
That meant the world to me.
It is hard being so far away from Daniela. I am always reading about mental illness and the brain. Trying to find that missing piece to make Daniela “right” again. I feel like despite her illness, she has been a blessing for me. I know that she can be violent at times and is not always the easiest to be around but there is a connection that I have with her that I do not have with anybody else.
I always have this happy story in my mind that she will one day awaken from her illness. I used to get pissed off at my mom when she would say “Daniela will get better” and Daniela would have a horrible psychotic episode the next day. Now I realize that when you educate yourself on mental illness and truly see WHO THEY ARE, not their illness, you keep that hope a lot more.
The truth is that I will never understand how it is to experience what my mother goes through every day. I cannot judge her for her decisions. When everybody is yelling at her to put Daniela in a group home, they do not understand that it is not their child. I do not have children but can imagine that that would be a difficult decision to make.
Today I told my mother that she is a wonderful mother and that it is good to know that if I was mentally ill, she would not have left me in an institution. There are very few people that are like my mother.
I think it is sad how people tend to write off people with mental illnesses and they think that they do not feel anymore. More often than not, they feel more…they often have sensory overload.
I was watching a photography slide show from Michael Nye that has a lot of photos of people with mental illnesses with audio of their OWN words to tell you how they feel.
THANK YOU MICHAEL NYE!
Fine Line: Mental Health/Mental Illness(slide show with audio)
Fine Line: Mental Health/Mental Illness(video)
Here are some excerpts:
” I fear what people will think about me.”
” It is an incredible amount of pain that pierces your soul every day.”
” You lose your purpose. You have people not want to be near you because they do not want that illness.”
After checking this all out, I thought about what Daniela did.
The simple act of moving the pictures from my mother’s room to her room was a huge statement. She did not want to feel alone, she wanted to feel that she had a friend near. That is something I always sign to her, ” You are my sister, you are my friend.” It makes her so happy.
It is not her fault that she has a mental illness. It is not her fault that she acts up. I have made the decision to become a better person by letting her in my life and I am so grateful for that. It has changed me. Even though I am miles away, she is still connected to me. She feels that love.
It is amazing how much love can do (cheesy but true).
I have read many stories about mental illness and how having positive support from people around them increases the chances of them becoming more stabilized. Unfortunately, it does not happen as often as it should.
Miles away I am still troubled with my sister’s illness. I try to think about ways to help her; envision a life in which she will have the best care. I often meet with a lot of friends that I met through NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), we share our stories, our honest fears and “unreasonable” hopes. It is nice because now I do not feel alone. Nobody wants to feel alone and yet the mentally ill feel it almost all the time.
Jacob and I got my mother a computer and will be setting her up with Internet. I will get to see my mother more and lift her spirits and will be able to use sign language to communicate with Daniela.
It can all be overwhelming but as long as you take the right steps (when you can) to make a situation better, you can breathe a little more.
I hope you enjoy the video and the slide show.
Listen to their words.
Please show some compassion. You never know what can happen to you or your loved ones. Teach your children compassion because the way you educate your children on how to treat the disabled may directly affect you in the future. Even if your mind is together now, it does not mean it will always be that way.
Most of all, just give the mentally ill some love, they will share their appreciation – when you least expect it.
My sister did.
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Oh how this resonates. My daughter just spent her birthday in the hospital. I have no tolerance for people who question why I keep taking her home. People who DO know her DO understand. Her sister came to visit for a few days and we sat with her and she asked us to just pat her gently and we said we are doing the “laying on of hands.” There is always hope. It is not her fault that the medicines lose their effectiveness and voices tell her to harm herself. Her version of it is that the voices say that if she doesn’t hurt herself, her family will be hurt. She is more loving than most people. We will just keep going and help each other.